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11 Jan 2006

HIV + partner and sexual activity
Hi
My partner has been diagnosed HIV + about a year ago. I however tested negative. Problem is that, although I am very supportive and we both are aware of the risks of sexual contact, precautions to take etc., he does not want to engage in any form of sexual contact with me, as he is too afraid to pass the virus onto me. This situation is causing quite a bit if frustation for me. We talked about this and he agreed that we would set limits and be careful when engaging in sexual contact. We decided penetration was not an option, but would explore other avenues. I find it difficult to initiate any sexual contact as he is unresponsive. He suggested I find someone else to have sexual contact with and claimed he wouldn't have a problem with it. This for me is out of the question as I love him. I am at my wits end. Please help as I do not want to end the relationship.
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Expert
HIV Counsellor

01 Jan 0001

Hi!

I fully agree with the reply from Relax. Your partner's unwillingness to have sex with you could be due to underlying guilt issues. I also agree with you that sex is an important part of an established loving romantic relationship and that having sex (purely for gratification) outside of such a relationship is missing the point and could be detrimental.

I would advise you and your partner to go for counselling. He needs support in coming to terms with this issue and I believe that this will be an extremely rewarding process for him.

Stay well!
Laurent
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