i cant cope anymore. husband always has an excuse - for everything.. he says everything, yet never saying "its all your fault" - in a way that makes me seem like a bad person. i feel bad, no - i feel terrible. i want to stop taking pills to become less emotional. i decided to try and just say in plain un-dramatic words that i need him to be my friend and that i missed how we were once good friends. i went to get a tissue coz i didnt want to sniff, which happened anyway and i heard him shift in his bed - he just moved on to his back.
i said "i thought u were getting up to hug me" and he just said "nope." and that if i wanted a hug i should come and sit there cos he's not getting up and that he just thinks he should end this marriage.. i was in shock and forgot my new undramatic policy and started crying to which he said 'oh god.' and i left the room. its been months since i last slept peacefully and i'm just tired of it all. i dont think this is worth stickng around for..
ive never been more lonely. im tired of reaching out when the responses are always so painful. if the point of reaching out is to realize no one will be there for you then i get it. but im desperate and here i am, reaching out again.
its easier here.