Ask an expert

23 Aug 2011

A mother''s love
I would like to know how a mother can treat her two children differently. How can se expect rules for one child not to be vallid for the other?
What do I do as a grown woman that have just now come to realise that my mother really doesn''t love me, never has.
I know people love their children in different ways, I cant remember the last time my mother told me she loved me (I suspect she never has) but it''s easy for her to tell my brother she loves him?
I dont know why Im getting upset about this. Im 32 for Pete''s sake, but it hurts! I love her dearly. I will never tell anyone anything that she confides in me but she will tell everyone my business. Recently she told my son something that I told her I will tell him when Im ready. Why would she do this? Why hurt me and her 5 year old grandson this way? If I confront her she WILL lie about it and most probably get sick again.
I just dont know anymore. It really hurts!
Answer 344 views

01 Jan 0001

Its not very difficult to do so, as many people's experiences will prove. It might not be adviseable, but that's a different question.
Obviously at one level, children differ and may have different needs and require different treatment. But I guess you're thinking of prejudicial treatment, being less favourable to one child than another, which is never fair or wise.
Basic rules of conduct and the way a household runs, of course should be valid for everyone ( indeed, parents often forget these ouyght to apply to themselves and not only the children ).
Maybe there are problems between you and your mother. Some people don't show their love well, and many don't say it. One can't assume they don't love you just because they don't say it.
Maybe your mother didn't love you, or loved your brother more ( girls often get on better with their fathers, and boys with mothers ). But you're right to imply that this doesn't have to matter to you. You are a good and loveable person, whatever any other specific person may have thought, felt, or said.
When you say, for instance, that she blurts out to others things you would have preferred her to keep to herself - does she do this with everyone, or just you ? Have you indicated clearly and unambiguously to her that you want these things kept private ? And if she reliably does this, why do you choose to tell her things you want to be kept confidential ?
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
32% - 9435 votes
68% - 19981 votes