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19 Sep 2006

Abused by my ex and manipulated
Im not sure if it is possible to be sexually abused when you are 19 or older, but I need some advise as I feel that I was.
My first sexual experience was with my ex and we ended up having sex on the first night we met. After this, it went into a full on relationship. lacking confidence, self esteem and having had a death in my family two months prior, i needed someone so much in my life that I let him continue to use me for sex. During this period he also had a family crisis, so I put my life on hold for him and did whatever I needed to do to keep him. He continually went travelling and would come back and again use me for sex. In my mind he convinced kme no one else would want me and that he did. He used to have sex with me if I didnt want to, a day after i had come out of hospital due to an operation. Being very sexually inhibited and knowing what I didnt want to do, a year later he made me believe I needed to have anal sex with him to keep him. This was something i never wanted to do and really got thousands of issues from. He did leave me, had sex with a new person a few days after he promised he would come back to me. Four years have passed. He now is engaged and I have moved on. My issue is that I cant believe or get over the fact how worthless he made me feel to the point i sacrificed all my values and beliefs to be with him, when all he wanted was someone to have sex with. It makes me so depressed when i think about this cause in many ways he didnt hold a gun to my head and make me do things, but he manipulated me so much that i felt like I had to. I had no-one else in my life. How can I get over this and move on with my life, not feeling dirty and disgusted with myself? Im too shy to talk to anyone about this cause its so unlike me. Is there a book or something I can do, to move on from this big regret and dirty secret in my life?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

One could call that relationship abusive, not in the grand, violent sense, but because he used you, and the sex was to a degree coercive, The experience showed how unwise it can be to allow someone who is not trustworthy, to take advantage of your neediness. Do check around and see a good local counsellor / psychologist, preferably one using CBT style counselling, who can help you to deal with these issues, and become stronger than ever, and better able not only to get over this, but to become stronger to move on and develop healthier and more satisfying relationships
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