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11 Jan 2010

Am i a bad parent
I am a single parent of a 3yr old. Her father left us when she was a few months old. His family is also not involved in our lives. My family is also not close as they reside in another city. I work very hard to give my child a good life and so far I have succeeded, I think. People comment on her good manners and also her friendliness. My daughter does get disciplined, when she steps out of line she will get a hiding on her behind. I dont hit her for no reason. I will warn her 3 times and try other alternate methods like taking away tv, luxuries etc but if the bad behaviour persists she gets a hiding. She is generally a good child and does push her luck but I suppose thats all 3year olds. I will not tolerate her being rude to me or any one older for that matter. When we are in a shop she will ask in a polite manner if she could please have something etc. She will generally get a hiding for spitting, and she has a tendency to leave my hand when we in public and I keep warning her of that. Also when she is with people that she likes she will not listen to me when I tell her that I am tired and want to go home and then I have to drag her away. I have now noticed that as soon as we get near our flat, she will start telling me that she does not want a hiding and that she will behave. The thought of a hiding to her is very scary. Whenever she gets a hiding a few minutes will pass and she will come and say sorry mummy. I wont ask her to do it but she does and when she does so I tell her that its not nice to be rude but I still love her and all is forgotten. Am I a bad parent by instilling this fear in her. I just feel that if she is ill-mannered then people will point a figure at me for being a single, young mother and i dont want people to dislike her.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

She sounds like a normal 3-year-old. But there are better and more effective ways of maintaining discipline than giving hidings. You are also teaching her that violence is an acceptable way of getting what you want.
Maria's suggestions are sensible and practical.
As she says, emphasize praising and rewarding her for her good behaviour, so she behaves because she understands why good behaviour is good, and finds it rewarding.

And as Anon says, emphasize not just that spitting itself is always unacceptable, but that it may be understandable that she feels angry in some situations, but that she should express such anger calmly and verbally, rather than physically.

The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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