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05 Mar 2010

My mom in law lives with us and goes hm on the weeknds to take care of my baby - who is now 2yrs old. Shes been taking care of her ever since she was 3mnths old. My baby 1st called her '' MA '' and only about 2 mnths later learned to call me that.I think it was wrong of his mother to teach my daughter to call her '' MA''. It affects me to the extent that I won''t ever discipline my child in the fear that my child will love me less. My baby actually prefers his mom more- and wud rather sleep next to her and have her put her to sleep. And If my mom in law leaves - then she wails , but not so much for me.
This is really affecting my parenting skills, as I refuse to discipline my child and actually give in to all her whims and fancies, hoping she will love me more, but it doesnt seem to be happening. I cant even believe I have to fight for my own right as a mother , but this is what I am doing. Am I over reacting - or am I really being robbed of my motherhood. It hurts me alot and I''m actually in a state of depression over this . I have told my husband about this - but he feels I''m over reacting. My worst fear is having my baby in a creche - which I why I tolerate his mom. Please help - how do I work around this ? This is quite serious for me , although it mite sound petty to others.
Answer 387 views

01 Jan 0001

You can't have it both ways. Either you say at home and care for your child every day, or you need some help - a creche, a hired nanny, or a family member like mom-in-law. If being in control is so important to you, you'd need to move to the first option. Otherwise mom-in-law sounds like a fair option. And talk between you and choose what name you would all prefer the child to use for the person who it seems does do most of the mothering she receives, as Purple suggests. She has to call the nice lady SOMETHING. By all means limit Ma or Mom to yourself, but also don't over-interpret childish babbling sounds with all the heavier concepts we adults tie to some words.
And don't give up on discipline - the child can lose respect for someone who lets her get away with everything. What is very important is that as a family you draw up the basic rules and consequences of discipline so she meets the same rules and consequences with mom-in-law as with you.
Am I understanding that Mom-in-law looks after the child at your home through the week, and goes to her own home at weekends, leaving the child in your care ? And presumably the child should be in your primary care each evening and night ?
And relax. You're not being "robbed of your motherhood" Why do you so dread a good creche ?

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