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11 Jan 2006

been abused where to from here?
Hi
I just feel the need to unburden and get some honest advice from people not directly involved.
Ever since I can remember my dad has been abusing us [my mum, siblings and myself] it’s not something that is brought upon when he’s drunk but all the time however he tends to be more aggressive and brutal when under the influence. Through the years intervention by family, threats, the silent treatment etc have been used but nothing has helped! He feels that he is above everyone and everything and that he is the absolute authority on everything!! If u dare to disagree with him or not bow to him-u are the ‘bad’ person and he keeps his distance from u and will even go so far as to ‘scandal’ about u to all and sundry! He has made rules such as no laughing, no talking to certain family members ‘cos they will not consult him before say purchasing a car or introducing their new ‘partner’ to him, it’s small stupid things but ….. to him it’s a huge big insult. Because of his attitudes I’ve realized I grown up to be rather dysfunctional [used to have low self-esteem, self-confidence issues, unable to interact with people, was afraid all the time, constantly trying to please people….] even the foods that we ate he had something to say about that for instance we were never to prepare foods that he didn’t eat/enjoy and for instance if he went to the fridge and the cheese was finished [cos we ate it] instead of simply accepting that he would fight and in certain cases hit us-needless to say I don’t eat cheese or polony! I see the pain that he has caused not just me but my sisters and I can’t understand why my mum hadn’t walked out on him yrs ago.how can a mother claim to love her kids unconditionally yet allow them to be hurt and manipulated like this. I am a faithful Christian and my church has really been there for me but I know that I need more than just spiritual counseling who can I go to? I’m on medical-aid but the rates are extremely high, would life-line be able to provide some sort of support is there a support group for women like me in pmb?
Any help would be appreciated.
Answer 393 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Mr Lonely,
Sorry to hear about this. What a comprehensively horrible and cowardly man. You need and deserve some proper professional psychological counselling, too. Some mothers think what they are doing is for the best, and accept or turn a blind eye to awful behaviour by their husbands, without realizing how hurtful and harmful this is. Lifeline ought to be able to help to a degree, and ought to know of any relevant support group or similar agency in your area. And medical aid ought to cover at least some counselling.
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