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09 May 2004

Broken marriage
After 21 years my wife has left me, I am battling with guilt over what I did to hurt her and no amount of apologising has helped, we are now officially separated and I think she is dating other men, I am an emotional wreck at this time and I am battling to cope with the simplest of daily tasks my mind is constantly on her, my feelings of insecurity and rejection have completly overwhelmed me, she tells me she needs the space to sort out her head and that if she wanted a divorce she would have delivered the papers..
Help!!!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Good morning, HIGHWAY,
If you were hurting her ( really so, I mean, not just responding to general guilty feelings ) then you know why she left you, and there's really no reason why she shouldn't date other men. But she may well not be doing so at all, especially as she says she wants to think this through before making a final decision. Why don't you firstly see a counsellor yourself, not only to sort through your current emotional reactions to this crisis in your relationship, but to examine more objectively what went wrong, what you may have done wrong which you could do differently, and generally to sort yourself out and "clean up your act" as they say. You could let your wife know that you are doing so, and suggest that you will be open, after you've made some progress in your own counselling, to joining her in joint marriage counselling, if she would agree to that, to see what can be healed and fixed, before either of you make final decisions about the future or otherwise of the relationship.
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