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13 Jun 2004

Childhood abuse?
hi
im a 17 year old girl and i just need some advice on molestation.
I cant remember being molested at all, but there are so many signs saying that i have been.the furthest odd memory i have is being about 8 or 9 and having sexually thoughts, thoughts that a girl my age shouldnt be having. I was never exposed to such sexual things when i was young and i dont know where i got these thoughts from. i also remember that i started masterbating at a really early age from around that time. i used to play these sexual games with my friends in which we would do unnappropriate things, and i feel such guilt, like i know i shouldnt have done it, but i didnt think it was wrong.
i used to have occuring nightmares that a monster would come into my room and take me into the hallway and scratch me all over my body violently and would kill me, i would try to scream but i couldnt.
i dont know what happened to me, i just know that this is not normal behaviour! im eaten up with guilt and disgust for myself and i think its really affecting me in my life now. i am overweight and i binge quite alot, nothing seems to stop it.
please give me some advice. ive told one my very close friends, and she also recons that i was molested.
how do i deal with this without telling my parents. i dont have a good attitude towards men and this might really affect my relationships in the future.
if u have any advice for me please help me, and from what u have heard, could this be normal? or do u think ive been molested?
thank you
Answer 414 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello me,
Actually, you sound like an entirely normal youg woman, who has almost certainly NOT been molested at any time, but has been unduly frightened by false rumours and Old Wives' Tales ( and these days, the Old Wives are much younger than before ) about molestation.
People who were molested or abused, remember it, exactly like anyone who has had other nasty experiences. Often, we choose not to recall or think about the unpleasant things that happened to us in life, but it is very highly doubtful that we ever fully lost the ability to remember such unpleasant events --- indeed, most people who have experienced major trauma complain of remembering it too well, too often, and too vividly.
There is a load of old twaddle which gets peddled by some highly irresponsible writers and authors, and some silly therapists who really ought to know better, which pushes out false information about memory and abuse / molestation. We do not forget it, and if we did, we do not need to remember it. And there are absolutely NO signs or symptoms in young adult life that suggest, let alone prove, that we must have been abused at some time. Anyone who teels you anything different, is a quack, probably a self-serving quack who plans to benefit personally from expensively curing you of a problem you don't have ( much the easiest type of cure to produce !).
At the age of around 8 or 9, you had some sexual thoughts, and you masturbated ? Congratulations. Almost every normal child does that, naturally, and without this either causing harm or being caused by harm. I'd be a bit more worried about a child who never had any sexual thoughts or curiosity, or who never masturbated. Some form of sex play and exploration between children is very common, is not a wicked thing for children to do, though if they're happy children and properly occupied with many other childish activities and games, it shouldn't become a major preoccupation . Yo had some nightmares about monsters ? So does almost every child --- nightmares and night terrors ( something similar ) are common and normal and also don't reflect harm.
Now, it's really unfortunate that you have chosen to feel so guilty for having been a normal child. Most experts would agree that you did absolutely nothing that was wrong or evil, and even the few bigots who consider such normal conduct to be dreadful, ought to agree that, as you say, "i didnt think it was wrong" at the time.
Your binge eating and overweight is probably relatd to your unnecessary and inappropriate guilt ; and some folks think that when one has such feelings about earlier sexual behavior, someone might choose to become fat in order to become less attractive to others, so as to avoid sexual situations and sexual choices.
It sounds as if you could well benefit from normal counselling, just to sort out these confusions and relieve yourself of your guilt. Whatever you do, do NOT go to see someone who advertises themselves as specializing in child abuse / molestation issues, as they may, in their eagerness to find what they expect and to prove themselves right, cause you to develop more and worse problems than you already have --- and what you have, is an excessive sense of alarm an guilt about your normal behaviours. Similarly, a good basic counsellor, could help you to re-examine and test your negative assumptions about men, and enhance your freedom to form healthy and enjoyable relations with them.


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