Ask an expert

16 Aug 2007

Children's sex games ??
Dear Dr.

My daughter is 7. she told me that her and her friend (also a girl 7) played a making out game, she said that I would be cross with her. When I aksed her what exactly they did she said that they pulled their dresses up and kissed one another on their breasts, chest and private parts. I did not know exactly how to deal with this but told her that in future if she thinks that I will be cross with her it means that she should not be playing such games. This means to me that she knows her behaviour is wrong. How do I deal with this, should I ask her if she actually "kissed" the other girls private parts or should I leave it? I am concerned about the mental effect this will have on my child. should I stop the friendship with this little girl, should I tell her parents? Please help!
Answer 471 views

01 Jan 0001

There isn't a shred of evidence that this sort of behaviour between children causes them any later problems at all --- and many children do this sort of thing at one time or another. What CAN cause problems is if the parents or other adults who discover them create a catastrophe about it, and make a major fuss, and convince the child that they did something Terrible, and Wicked, and that sex and their bodies are Bad, and so on. Take this as an opportunity to start talking abnout sex with her, including early on an explanation that of course any such behaviour must be private, and is Never OK with adults and children. Don't stop the friendship. And you made a useful point to her when pointing out that if she feels that Anything she does will make you cross when you find out about it, she must consider that it's probably something wrong, and something she should then decide not to do.
Make sure that she feels free and comfortable to talk to you about all such events or thoughts, as this will keep her far safer than any attempt to discipline her for natural curiousity.
And as Maria noticed, too, one might want to explore How they thought of this, and where they got the idea of "Making out", which is an American phrase, and maybe suggests the idea came from watching films they didn't quite understand.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.