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10 Oct 2006

dealing with death
How do u help someone deal with the death of a loved one esp. if they seem to be wallowing in self-pity?
my friend lost her mum abt 4mths ago & all she does is go on about how no-one understands and cares and that people are not supportive. trying to tell her that people cant alwayz b there 4 u & dat death is part of life doesn't help 'cos she gets upset. she expects her extended family to be there constantly and that is virtually impossible as people have other commitments and lives as well and personally i dont like being around people who dont want to change their situation.how do i help her?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

melanie's comments are brillaint, and worth study. And charlie is right, you should really try to persuade your friend to see an experienced counsellor, to help her with this. 4 months is no time in which to succeed in handling the loss of a loved one. Counselling can help, and time is an essential ingredient. And be cautious --- I suspect that the more those around her try to shush her, or look bored and ininterested in hearing her grief ( which after all, makes all the rest of us feel uneasy ) the more she feels a pressure to continue to experience and utter it. The beareaved can be frightening, because they remind us that one day every one of us will go through the same experience, usually more than once.
And remember, the aim of grief, is not to forget about the person we lost, but to be able to remember them with joy.
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