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19 Jan 2006

Delayed and Severe Reaction
we went for supper last night. our sex life hasn't been great lately but emotionally we are very connected, say we love each other, phone each other, have great conversations etcetera. we planned to have a little get-together later. hubby asked the waitress for something and called her by her name which he always does. i joked when she left and said you looked so deep into her eyes. he answered that he's keeping his options open for incase we don't make love later.

i was very very very upset about that comment. we haven't talked to each other since then. i did say to him if he wants the waitress i can arrange something for him but i was being mean because i hurt.

we've been together for 10 years but the first 4 or 5 years of marriage was rocky. during that time, even tho i still can;t prove it, he got up to all sorts of funny business. i found a business card of an escort agent in his pocket. i once checked his phone which i haven't done in years, wrote down a number that jumped out at me and phoned it later. it was a brothel. there were many issues but i hope i've dealt with them and trust him most of the time.

given the history even if it's a long time ago, and what he said last night, i am feeling so hurt today and that comment rocked my boat and my very existence. i'm probalby overreacting but i figure that all the old issues came to the fore again when he said that about the waitress.

1 comment and i want to leave him. before, through all those horrible times which he said is my imagination, i never considered leaving. but this comment has a hold over me, i am thinking of getting a divorce.

cybershirnk can you explain this. am i wrong? why do i react so severely to a joke, but before when it was not a joke i handled it.

as im sititng here i wonder where he is. we have not had sex for about a month and i know he needs it, i'm not giving it to him and i wonder if he'll find it somewhere else.

i am down down down and something tells me this is a crossroad in my life.

think of me pleaze..............
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

What he said last night was probably tctless but trivial, but though the past history is more ominous, it does sound as though you ar severely over-reacting to the minor remark last night --- as if you were primed, ready to feel so awfully betrayed, when given the least reason. He doesn't sound stupid enough to have made a remark like that unless he was confident that he was doing wrong and that there was no reason for you to feel upset . You describe perfectly reasonable reasons why there has been no sex between you recently --- maybe he was simply hinting that he would like it --- with YOU.
Wouldn't mariage counselling, before deciding on the longer-term future, be a better idea ?
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