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03 Feb 2006

delayed reaction
After finding the condom in my husband's bag, and after agreeing to talk openly about issues from now on and agreeing to go to counselling, my husband just sent me an sms saying he feels like a dog and will never forget that I went through his bag. I know it was wrong but what a cheek he has....he HAS been going thru MY things for a while now, and when I confronted him and told him that Im going to return the favour and he shouldnt be mad if I do (although it was never my intention to actually go ahead and do it), he just grinned and said that its fine. I forgot to mention that when I found the condoms, I also stumbled upon a letter in his briefcase that was addressed to me, from my sister, whom he is not on speaking terms with.....I didnt read it I just left it there. I didnt mention to him that I saw it, but when he smsed me now, I told him that we should sit down and talk about how he feels that I went through his bag and also discuss the reason why a letter addressed to me was in his possession. I said to him that he made me believe that we were going to be okay but it doesnt look like it because why couldnt he talk to me about how his feelings instead of smsing me.

I feel like Im bumping my head against a brick wall....what now? How do I make him understand that yes it was wrong of me to go through his stuff but also let him know that he was at fault as well for going through my things and not to act as if he is the victim here??????How do I make him understand that there is a bigger issue here and focussing on the smaller things will get us nowhere????
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Lela,
he may not appreciate you having looked through his bag --- but he has to remember that it is entuirely his fault that there was anything suspicious in there for you to find. And he will have a difficult time coming up for a reasonable excuse for having a private letter of yours, to you, tucked away in his bag. Continue to press him to keep his promise to join you in counselling,
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