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27 Aug 2007

Divorce of Stay
Please, help me!!!! I've been married for 8 years which was not the very best of years. He cheated, emotional and physical abused me. Every time it's great for four months after lots of talks with Priest and elders in our church. The last time I went to see a physcologist on my own. Mentally I was prepared for a divorce, husband got to me for another chance. He also went to see the physcologist. This time around, he was transparent and I could really say I trust him. About three weeks ago he started to drink again. I told him that's the roots to all our problems. I don't mind him have the odd drink now and again but if he drinks he forget his married or the alcohol get the blame for what his doing. He has'nt had a drink for six month. This past weekend we went to a braai with the neighhours and a girlfriend of them. We know this friend when out a few times in the past and she and husband can chat very nice. During the braai my neighbour spoke to her husband that they not staying late cause they still need to take the friend home. My husband insist that she sleeps by us cause the neighbours has tenants. My neighbour said no, we taking her home. I also said I'll go with them, the men can stay and we ladies can take her home. Hubby got upset and went inside. The friend took her plate to the kichen and did'nt say anything. I got up and saw them talking, she was in the kicthen and he in the lounge, I could only assume it was about the sleeping story. When she saw me she asked him why is he now sitting there (changing the conversation) and then went out. He walked to him and asked is there a problem. His reaction. "Just do as you please, I never thought your were like that. You know me always try to help people." I said she is not my responsibility, neighbour is willing to take her home why make it our problem. Then he said f...of home and he shouted at me. Everybody outside could here what he said. I told him the last time that one more hick-up than this is it. Yesterday he apoligised, buy the way I no I was totally out of line and I also know that whatever I say won't make a difference how you feel. Today he said married couples should quarrell and every time I said I'll get a divorce he did't do major damage. He don't think it's necessary for a divorce because of this. We have a 5 year old daugther. When he got home from work yesterday she asked him why did he shout at me at that uncle's house. When she woke the morning and ask where's her daddy, after I told her, she want so know did you kissy daddy when he left. He is not physical abusive anymore and I can see he really tries, but what happend Saterdaynight I can't see past it. I'm very calm and told him he needs to treat me with respect whilst we under the same roof. He always like to argue or involved our child. She is VERY fond of her dad. But I can't go on like this. I know if I don't do something our child will grow up and one day marry a man who'll treat her the same way her dad treats me. Three months ago I asked my lawyer to keep the divorce on hold which they did. This is now the second time I filed and then cancelled. Please tell me how do I leave or how can I safe my marriage..
Answer 402 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Unless he seriously tackles his drinking problem, with definite treatment from a shrink, and joins AA, and sincerely works with you in marriage counselling, things are not going to get better. And it sounds as though he doesn't really believe that you will go through with your threat of divorce
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