Ask an expert
Question

03 Sep 2007

Do I tell?
I'll keep this short. I was in a 5 year relationship previously it was a very emotionally abusive relationship though and it ended very ugly leaving me with lots of issues and problems but now I have found a man that has accepted me just as I am and who I am comfortable with and with whom I can see a future. My question is do I tell him about my past eg. That I'm not a virgin? (I slept with the man that I had the abusive relationship with. I regret it but it happened so I can't change it) I know for lots of people this is not an issue but I do know this new man will have a problem with it. I would just like everyone's (including cybershrinks) opinions on this please. What should I do? Sorry if this seems like a childish or stupid question to some but it is important for me! Thank you.
Answer 393 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

As Nutcracker says, he must know that you have led a full life so far, and can hardly expect to be the first man in your life. Presumably he has some sort of past, himself. I think it is generally best to start a relationship honestly, and this avoids the real possibility in future that this will come out and he could then resent you for not telling him. Riempies experience is unfortunate, but surely that guy was an abuser from the start, who only showed it later and used what he knew as a weapon. I doubt that the discloseure caused the abuse. And no double standards ought to be tolerated.
I think FIO's final point is especially important --- if he is in fact another crypto-controller, with unfair and unrealistic expectations of you, maybe he isn't the right guy, anyway.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
33% - 9379 votes
No
67% - 19424 votes
Vote