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03 Sep 2007

Do I tell?
I'll keep this short. I was in a 5 year relationship previously it was a very emotionally abusive relationship though and it ended very ugly leaving me with lots of issues and problems but now I have found a man that has accepted me just as I am and who I am comfortable with and with whom I can see a future. My question is do I tell him about my past eg. That I'm not a virgin? (I slept with the man that I had the abusive relationship with. I regret it but it happened so I can't change it) I know for lots of people this is not an issue but I do know this new man will have a problem with it. I would just like everyone's (including cybershrinks) opinions on this please. What should I do? Sorry if this seems like a childish or stupid question to some but it is important for me! Thank you.
Answer 393 views

01 Jan 0001

As Nutcracker says, he must know that you have led a full life so far, and can hardly expect to be the first man in your life. Presumably he has some sort of past, himself. I think it is generally best to start a relationship honestly, and this avoids the real possibility in future that this will come out and he could then resent you for not telling him. Riempies experience is unfortunate, but surely that guy was an abuser from the start, who only showed it later and used what he knew as a weapon. I doubt that the discloseure caused the abuse. And no double standards ought to be tolerated.
I think FIO's final point is especially important --- if he is in fact another crypto-controller, with unfair and unrealistic expectations of you, maybe he isn't the right guy, anyway.
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