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Question
18 Jan 2006
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Family wants to live my life
I am a black 21 year old female and I love my family, but I also love myself, my daughter and my boyfriend without a doubt.
The main problems that I have are that:
1. My family wants to live my life for me and to live out their hopes, dreams and aspirations through me and I can't take it anymore. I am afraid that they will start doing the same with my younger sisters and the signs are starting to show.
2. My second problem is that my boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I have agreed, the problem is that I am so scared to tell my folks about his proposal because of they way that they are and also the fact that I am going to be moving to Cape Town with him afterhe has paid lobola for me (March).
I have even thought of eloping with him because I can'ttake my family situation anymore.
Please help me make the right decision as to what I am going to do before I do something that I will regret later on.
The main problems that I have are that:
1. My family wants to live my life for me and to live out their hopes, dreams and aspirations through me and I can't take it anymore. I am afraid that they will start doing the same with my younger sisters and the signs are starting to show.
2. My second problem is that my boyfriend has asked me to marry him and I have agreed, the problem is that I am so scared to tell my folks about his proposal because of they way that they are and also the fact that I am going to be moving to Cape Town with him afterhe has paid lobola for me (March).
I have even thought of eloping with him because I can'ttake my family situation anymore.
Please help me make the right decision as to what I am going to do before I do something that I will regret later on.
CyberShrink
Hello Confused,
Actually, you don't sound very confused,but rather sensible. You may need to be very explicit --- pleasant, but firm, and tell your family that you care about them, but you are not prepared to try to live out their dreams and hopes in your own life, just as you don't expect them to love out your dreams. And remind them that your younger sisters deserve the same freedom.
The moving to Cape Town may help to provide literal as well as psychological distance bwteen you and the family, and more freedom to make a life for your own family and child, as you wish to
Actually, you don't sound very confused,but rather sensible. You may need to be very explicit --- pleasant, but firm, and tell your family that you care about them, but you are not prepared to try to live out their dreams and hopes in your own life, just as you don't expect them to love out your dreams. And remind them that your younger sisters deserve the same freedom.
The moving to Cape Town may help to provide literal as well as psychological distance bwteen you and the family, and more freedom to make a life for your own family and child, as you wish to
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