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02 Mar 2010

Fat face
Hi dearest CS, hope you are well.
On the one hand I''m so angry and frustrated at myself, yet on the other I''m angry at my colleague..then I''m ashamed that I''m angry at her because I''ve got no reason to be angry at her for saying that, it''s just the way she is, she probably did not mean to hurt me...yet i WAS hurt, it boils down to me having a very thin skin i suppose? I don''t know.

She (I''ll call her Heidi) asked me this morning whether I''m picking up weight, because it looks like my face is getting fatter.
eish, even typing that makes me blush!
I was feeling SO good today, until this incident. Why should it matter so much to me! Since Heidi''s words, my self-confidence has plummeted, so has my mood and sense of inner peace.

I didn''t know what to say to her, I just said no, I''m not gaining weight, because as far as I know I''m not, yet if my FACE is looking obese to Heidi, I must be getting enormous without noticing it? I feel so confused and ashamed and angry and doubtful and sad.

Yet it shouldn''t MATTER!!!!!!!!!!!

I was having a wonderful day, the day is STILL wonderful, objectively! I shouldn''t waste precious time and energy even typing this post nevermind fretting over my body and wanting to hide and starve for the rest of the week until Heidi thinks I''m thin again?!!! INSANE!!!!!!!!

Sorry for this rant, I can''t say I feel better having vented some of my emotions, maybe later on. Thanks for reading through it, it must have been tiring.
Answer 500 views

01 Jan 0001

Maybe this means you have more choice about whether o not to allow what someone else says o does, to hurt you, than you have so far chosen to exercise ?
Funny, isn't it, how some people genuinely think they are being kindly or helpful in saying something utterly useless and unhelpful like that ? who knows whats going on within Heidi that might make anyone look fater or thinner to her - the comment tells you something obscure about her, and not much about you.
Go back and redscover that great day you were having before being so rudely interrupted.
Now I think I'll just go and lie down for a while.
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