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30 Jan 2006

Final Words
I feel really sad today. It's just a confirmation for me that I can't make friends and maybe don't want to (or shouln't), because people are just out to hurt and/or abuse me. I won't take that any more. Not one more day. No one is allowed near me again.
I have opened myself up on this forum and talked about things that was buried for decades. Thank you for the help and support you provided.
Thing is, even with faceless voices I cannot connect. Is that normal? I'm starting to give up. Not just on life, but on myself and my abilities to comunicate, love, trust, BELIEVE, see God in the world... I don't believe, and I'm starting to think about Hell and Heaven and what if...
Things are looking dim, the tears roll, so many uncertainties. And I won't have you to fall back on anymore. You know? I must be the only person here from 8 in the morning till midnight most nights, just in case... I am the ultimate addict.
Then I have this 13 year freaking dagga addiction that's starting to take it's toll, and if anyone says it's me, it is! I'm just gratefull I kicked the cocaine, goes to show it can be done.
The people on this forum just proved once again to me that I am a failure in life. And for that I hate you. And thank you. Cause I know now there's too much work to be done. I'm too much of a bastard to get my act together. I'll much rather be reckless in everything I do...perhaps I'll be removed from this world that wasn't designed for me.
You guys enjoy your forum, your friends, your sanity, cause I am officialy giving up on all of that.
Hope you all have a great day.
PS: I'll miss you.
Answer 395 views

01 Jan 0001

Hey, Clueless ! This is the very first time you have sounded anything like your nickname suggests ! You communicate FAR more effectively than you seem to realize or recognize. Don't give up. And how can you say you won't have us to fall back on any more ? You've always been very welcome here, and you still are --- so if you don't use this as one of the resources in your efforts to move forward in life, that'll be through your own self-denying choice, not because you're unwanted or unappreciated here. Nobody, but absolutely nobopdy here thinks you're a failure in life, much less any sort of bastard. Those wre your own fears being projected out onto us, like a lantern-slide being projected onto a white sheet.
Ignore the very occasional nasty people who say hurtful things -- they at times say that sort of thing to all of us, and more and more of us are realizing that they need to be ignored when they do that. When a stray dog barks at you, it's not a criticism you should take personally --- it just shows that the miserable dog is feeling irritable. The barking is about him, not about you.
I know the feelings you are experiencing --- all of us get that sometimes. Once, when I was feeling similarly hurt and unloved, someone said " Don't you go thinking that everyone's against you ! One or two small, developing nations haven't decided yet !" You are liked, you are welcomed, and you need to stay around, as we welcome you and look forward to hearing more from you each day. Also, of course, don't make us your sole resource --- keep working with your own shrink more directly on the necesary tasks, so you can increase in strength, flexibility, and resilience week by week.
Looking forward to eharing more from you, now !
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