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20 Apr 2004

Fllirt for thought
In life, even though we exist in stable relationships with people we love, we will ultimately be faced with someone where there is a mutual attraction and subsequently we are put in a predicament of trust, will power and plain self-control. I was put in this position recently and haven't acted on it but rather wrote my feelings out which I haven't sent yet.....why....you ask me?....I'm hoping to find my answer I guess.

My letter to my attraction!

Don't you think that what you are experiencing and myself and probably your own partner and mine too is what most couples/individuals experience and that is a loss of passion, excitement after a period of being together. In less than so many words...just the thrill of it. Not too say that you no longer love your partner, but you crave that feeling of raw passion, fumbling hands, hot fast breathing and urgency to just be one.

And whose fault is it that with your current partner, this feeling has decided to pack itself away to only come out when intoxicated or "when required". How did it get packed away in the first place? Familiarity? Contempt perhaps? Or just laziness to spark the moment off?

And most important of all is are you willing to risk the one you love to get that feeling back even if only for a moment? Would it be worth it? Or is there another way to restore what is lost? I know for a fact that nine times out of ten in any situation the one partner is always thinking "why must I initiate?" and in the end nothing ever happens from either side.

You want to flirt with me which is fine.....but don't you wonder if perhaps your partner is feeling the same gap that you are and is also contemplating this with someone else??? I certainly wouldn't want my partner straying from me and that is why I wouldn't stray from him. You have given me some insight into myself with your e-mail bcos although I do admit that there is a hugely powerful attraction between us, I cannot act or grow on it either via e-mail or face to face because I would eventually lose the one I love through guilt and shame as I would not be able to face him or be in the same room as you and he without feeling terribly uncomfortable.

So how do we deal with our lost feeling if we don't flirt. I don't know..... It is pretty difficult when it seems that your partner isn't really interested in trying....bcos they are in the comfort zone and quite happy there. There must be some way though to have the best of both worlds without all this complications... any advice out there?
Answer 423 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear writer,
well this does really sound awfully solemn and comlicated to be about flirting, which is surely supposed to be light-hearted, spontaneous, and fun ?
And it's hard to grasp the details from amongst your long arguments in the letter --- it sounds like you're writing as someone with an existing partner, to someone else who also has an existing partner. If that is the case, who should you be flirting or writing to them ? Shouldn't you each rather stick to your existing partners, and cocnentrate on developing those relationships, rather than abandoning them or moving towards some creepy sort of manage a trois or a quatre ?
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