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08 Apr 2003

Found love, but can`t have it
I found myself falling in love with my housemate`s business partner. I am 29 and she is 24. The problem is that my housemate is obsessed with her and allthough she has been trying to blow him off, he does not seem to be getting the message. She is dependent of their business relationship and his jealousy might end her career. The man went overseas for a week, where things started happening rapidly between us. I think we are both in love, but somehow that does not seem to be enough. We are happy when we are alone, but as soon as there is a third wheel, things start to become complicated. She is really creative and will become successful if she does not jeopardise their business relationship. I am however not willing to let her go that easily, but I just want to do what is best for her. Should I let her go and move on?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Nick, as you're discovering, mixing business relationships and personal / emotional relationships is often a bad idea --- for exactly this sort of situation can quite often arise. Similarly, in fact, letting oneself get emotionally involved with a housemates closest friend, can also be inviting troubles.
Maybe it'd be wise for you two to try to cool your personal relationship for the time being. Maybe she can explore either ways of becoming more secure within the present business, or of transferring her work to some other company / business that can also benefit from her creativity and drive. If she can achieve securty in her work situation without remaining dependent on his good will, she would be better able to let him know that though she feels no ill-will for him, she wants that relationship to be over ; and could subsequently be more free to decide on her own personal relations. Similarly, maybe you could explore the options of other living arrangements, to increase your own degrees of freedom ?
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