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16 Apr 2003

How do I accept the way I look
Dear Cybershrink

I am not very happy at the moment and there are several reasons for this. Firstly, I hate my job. I am either swamped with hardly time to breathe or on the other extreme, with so little work that I have to find creative ways to pass the time. On top of that, the work does not stimulate me at all, I just do it coz I have to and I do not get much pleasure from it. I am actively looking for another job but have not found anything at the moment so I am trying to do something about it.

Secondly, I am overweight and I need someone to talk to about it. I joined a weight-loss group but they have not been that supportive. I have managed to lose 11kg so far but still have 20kg more to go. I know that it is a good start, but it has taken me longer than I had hoped it would which is really derpressing. I was meant to be at my goal weight by now but instead I am still struggling. Thing is I eat healthy most of the time but then I ocassionally binge. About twice a week, I just eat like there is no tomorrow, then I feel bad afterwards. I don't know why I do it but I just can't help myself. I have been fat my whole life and to be honest cannot imagine myself any other way.

I am also lonely. I am not very attractive and have never had a serious relationship with a man. This is really distressing coz I would like a husband and kids someday but at the rate I am going that it is highly unlikely.I am already 25 years old. I also don't know how to meet new people. I don't have a car so going out is a mission. Plus guys only want pretty slim women and I am neither so there is not much point in making the effort.

I am trying to be positive about everything but it is not easy when you are fat and ugly too. I am intelligent ( I have a masters) but that does not help if people don't even say hi since they do not like what they see. Maybe if I lost the extra kilos things would be better coz at least I would have a nice body, but I don't think it would really help anyway. But I am trying to lose the weight for my health. Other thing is I injured my leg last year so cannot do the sport that I used to enjoy and that made me happier, I really miss it.
Please help me if you can.
Answer 379 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Duckie,
Gee, talk about a pessimistic outlook and a negative self-image ! it sounds like you'd really benefit from switiching to a more sensitive and seisible weight-loss group, which is genuinely supportive ; and from seeing at least a counsellor, perhaps even a shrink, to work through the various weighty issues that beset you.
With a proper diet, encouragement, and exercise, you can lose weight and, more important, remain at the new weight ( simply visiting a lower weight, as if it were a sort of holiday destination, doesn't help much, except perhaps to convince you that You at that lower weight can exist ! ).
it sounds unlikely that the leg injury last year should have stopped you from enjoying the sport you used to like ; and if it is indeed, even with proper treatment and rehab, actually stopping you from that specific sport, there are surely others you could enjoy.
So, you can lose weight ; but besides that, you will be no more attractive than you feel yourself to be. People of all sorts of shapes and sizes can be highly attractive --- as this depends more on self-image and having a positive and caring atitude towards other people. You can acieve that, too. But, from the sound of it, maybe you need a sort of physical and psychological Personal Trainer to help you get fit enough to manage it. Add that to your obvious intelligence and pleasant nature, and you could be dynamite.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
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