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15 Apr 2004

husband Always Right!!!
I don't actually know if this is a problem but i think i'm going to lose my mind, soon. I'm married to a wonderful man, but when he's stressed, i really don't think he knows what he turns into, he shouts, scream, says mean words to me and my 2 year old daughter (she bites her nails, is constapated, doesn't listen at all, does her OWN thing all the time) and he blames everyone except himself. I am always jumpy, waiting whats next, what have i done now, and even if it wasn't me, i have to keep quite and take the blame, and its driving me mad, i feel nothing inside, and he thinks that there's nothing wrong with him. But i feel like his slave, cleaning all day after him, i also work the whole day, for him, and help with the paying of the bills ect, so i bring my share, but his friends is always there, all of them divorced aswell, and saying things about us woman blah blah...but i need to know what can i do, please>
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Annie,
Well, maybe we can understand why all his fiends got divorced --- they weren't lucky enough to find someone like you who can put up with their childish temper tantrums and refusal to accept responsibility ! He sounds, as Ditto says, insecure and trying to bolster up his weak self-confidence, but refusing to see his own faults and errors, and by blaming problems on you when he feels insecure and anxious. Marriage counselling could help, especially because that way, he might be persuadable to join in it to help to sort out YOUR problems and weaknesses, thus enabling the process to deal with HIS problems and weaknesses !
I used to have a boss like this, when was younger, a temperamental surgeon who wasn't half as good as he dreamed he was, and liked to blame you for everything, even if you weren't even in the room when something went wrong. After puzzling with the problem for a while, I eventually handled it by apologising profusely everytime anything went wrong, even slightly, or even looked as if it might go wrong. Standing at the other side of the room, I'd apologise when he dropped the scalpel. Subconsciously he got the message, but was able to switch his energies to reassuring me that I hadn't actually done anything wrong, instead of blaming me when I truly hadn't done anything wrong !
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