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25 Aug 2011

Husband not trying to find new job
My husband was retrenched at the beginning of this year. He was given four months salary and cashed in his pension (which was small as he was only with the company for two years). The problem is that he refuses to look for a new job. He sleeps until 12 or 1pm then does one small project (takes the dog to the vet or the microwave to be fixed) and tells me how much he is achieving by staying at home. Our seventeen year old son is in matric and the situation is a huge stress on him, but he can''t discuss it with his dad. No amount of discussion from my side changes the situation. He justs ignores me or tells me that the correct job will come to him!! I am very frustrated and growing afraid. I earn much less than he did and we can''t survive on my salary. The bond on our house is almost my whole salary. This is the third time in 5 years that his is at home. The first time he resigned after 10 years at his company and took 9 months to find a job. Then he did not even stay with the job for a year and again resigned. He was at home for 7 months. He then got the job where he has been retrenched. When he works, he does work hard and is always commended by employers for excellence. It feels as if sitting at home has become a pattern with him.How can I get him to try and get a job?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

getting retrenched can be profoundly disappointing and depressing, for anyone. He may be reluctant to l;ook for a new job, or pessimistic about geting one, but refusing to even look is a rather excessive response.
He knows that jobs don't come knocking on the door looking for you. His history of resignations suggest that even if he's actually good at his job, he may have problems getting on with people, and especially in persevering when any difficulties arise. And defeatist, as in the present and the twom previous examples. If a friendly pep talk from you won't work, is there anyone he would listen to ? Would he pay attention if you pointed out how negatively he is affecting his son at a very crucial time in the boy's life ? Is his family accessable, and could they help ?

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