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12 Sep 2008

Husband travels a lot-am I unreasonable
Morning Cyber Doc, I know I have discussed this on the forum before, but I really need your advice and feelings.

As I said my husband travels a lot!! He is in the elite liquor business and has unbelievable opportunities of seeing the world, meeting celebrities, mingling with your attractive girls, living the high live ... and I am at home with our daughter. Thus far this year he has been to France, Turkey and Namibia - and all over SA - 44 days in total this year. His busy season starts now where he will be away almost every week and only be at home during weekends. I am not happy or coping with the situation.

We are seeing a marriage councillor and she feels that because of stuff that happened when I was a child I have issues with being alone and that is way we are fighting so much about this. I know it has an influence, but would like to know what your feelings would be if your were in my situation? Am I crazy , am I over reacting to want my husband to be at home with his family and not be travelling and living a second life on his own??

We'  ve been together for almost 14 years of which we are married 3 and a half. When we were 19 - 26 years old - he was a provincial rugby player and we fought so much then because he was also away so much. Then he stopped with rugby and started at his present firm as a whiskey ambassodor - which meant not so much traveling, but now he is marketing manager for SA (for the past 4 years) and it is not going to get any better in die future because that is precisely what his boss expect from him - going to their head office in France - traveling to Mexico, London , Ireland etc ... and covering SA as well. It is really very difficult for me and I am not coping.

In three years he has never even been in SA on my B'  day because that is normally when his trip to Ireland or scotland is ... I just feel so left out and I missing out on so much because all responsibilty is on me.

Please tell me how you would feel - if you agree of disagree?

Thanks
M
Answer 475 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Of course you're not crazy, but if as a result of childhood experiences you are unduly sensitive to being left alone ( the amount of time he is away doesn't sound HIGHLY excessive ) and worried that he won't be able to resist the temptations of exotic places, this may cause probl;ems that are not otherwise inescapable. From the sound of it he ought to be more sensitive to your needs. If he absolutely HAS to be away at times like your birthday, he could still make it up to you imaginatively when he IS here. Continue to work on these issues with the marriage counsellor, and with your husband when available. You can work on your own issues, including self-esteem and self-confidence with the counsellor when he is not around, and on the relationship issues when he is around
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