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18 Sep 2007

Husband watches porn
I feel cheated on, sad, betrayed, humiliated, confused and deeply hurt. I have a 2-year old son and a 3 weeks old daughter. When I was 7 months pregnant with her, I caught my husband watching porn on the internet. I confronted him - he lied to me - saying that he was searching for sites to spice up our sex life (because I once mentioned to him that we should try some new things, including toys). Yes, I did say it to him - surely we can experiment within a respectful and loving relationship - so I believed him. He promised me that he's not into porn sites - but last night when my computer quarintined some folders, I saw some sex sites (including a gay dating site) popping up. He watched porn while I'm asleep in our bed because I'm exhausted from caring for our newborn. How sick is that? What the hell is wrong with my husband? I'm so disappointed in his behaviour. I also thought that my husband would never watch porn. I had him up on a pedastal. How can I make love to him - feeling vulnerable after giving birth to our child - knowing that he may be thinking about those girls (or guys) he saw in the porn movies? I feel so disconnected. I don't even want to talk to him. My husband travels a lot - how do I stay positivie about looking after the kids - putting my career on hold (temporarily) while he builds his and watches porn. I'm so hurt - I feel like leaving him because I'm disguisted by the idea. I really do believe that porn can hurt one's marriage. I've even suggested that we watch it together - although I know he will be embarrassed (me too!) - What should I do CyberShrink? I'm really hurt.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Please do check out the archives of this forum, as I have responded to almost this identical question so very often, that I can't find anything new to say about it. But do, please, read what we have said before, because there are some very relevant perspectives on all this worth re-reading.
Putting him on a pedestal was unrealistic, and so is casting him down from it. You need to talk this through with him, with the help of a marriage counsellor if needs be. And get him to share more of the chores of caring for the newborn abd the other child, so he'll be too tired for much of such exploration.
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