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22 Sep 2006

Insecure emotional behaviour
I do not know what to do anymore, and am seriously considering relationship therapy, as I would desperately like to know the reasons for my behaviour when I get romantically involved. Initially people are very attracted to me, but then I started getting very insecure and sensitive, and misinterpret people's behaviour as being a sign of rejection. I become too intense too soon with woman I develop feelings for, and this ultimately puts them off, as I exhibit my feelings of insecurity by questioning them why they are being funny towards me when they are actually being normal, and then I tend to phone and sms too often. Friends and family always tell me that I must take it slow in the beginning, but no matter how hard I try, I cannot seem to control my emotions. How much could my upbringing have to do with this, as I come from a broken home, where my parents were never really present as my mom had severe depression and my father suffered from alcoholism. So I never really had any security and am feeling that I crave this tremendously, as I do become so insecure, and therefore would rather exhibit my insecurity early on in a relationship, which ultimately leads to the relationship never starting. Thus I find myself single most of the time, and really thinking that I would not find someone, being the way I am. Do I need to get therapy?, and the next question I have is how does one choose a therapist which will relate to me? I am too scared to "fish" around untill I find the right therapist

Your thoughts will be much appreciated
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Well, you've made a good start. Recognizing that there is a problem is the crucial first step, without hich no0thing else works. Upbringing, and maybe earlier experiences in rlationships, could have been part of this. But what matters now is the set of assumptions and laws you have set up in your mind, based on whatever prior experiences, by which you have been running your relationships. CBT (Cognitive-Behaviour Therapy ) is the current best way to identify these, assess whether they are useful and fruitful or not, revise them, and get these unhelpful automatic thoughts and reactions revised to forms that adbvance your aims. You can thus become self-sufficient, and not merely happier but better able to form healthy and satisfying relationships.
So, therapy would surely help, and dotn't be scared to "fish around" until you land the right one ! Sheck with the SADAB / Depression and Anxiety support group to find someone doing CBT near you. Analytical types of psychotherapy are utterly useless and can make such problems even worse, besides which they take forever without producing real results, and cost too much.
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