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02 Jun 2004

Is it possible ?
Is it possible that there are men that can never cheat on their wives throughout their marriages? What is the percentage of men who cheat on their wives during the duration of their marriage. I'm sure there must have been a research done on that issue.

My second issue : I'm so scared , just found out that my fiance's ex has now got a job in the same company where my fiance is working , In actual fact they will be working in the same building. I'm worried that they might decide to play around bcoz I know that they were madly inlove before the broke up about 2 years ago . He always tells me he is satisfied with everything about me but I'm scared the temptation might be too much for him and since they have been together intimately , it will be easy to be intimate again. I dont doubt that he'll never leave me for me but I;m scared that they might have a secret fling going. I'm acting cool but everytime he goes to work , I shudder at the thought of what they might be up to. I imagine things. If I call his office and he's not there my immediate thought will be that he is with her.He assures me but I dont trust it completely.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Orie,
There most certainly are men (and even women !) who don't cheat on their spouse during marriage. There is som research, but it's not as clear as you'd think. How would you research it ? If you ask people, you get some idea of how many people will admit when a researcher asks them, that they have cheated, but that's hadly a reliable guide. And anyway, that's like the statistic that shows that in many countries now, over 50 % of marriages end in divorce -- it doesn't tell you much about any individual mariage, nor whether this specific one, will end happilly or not.
As for that ex --- however madly in love they once were, they did break up and end it, and he has chosen, despite her remaining available, to become your fiancee. Why would she still be a temptation for him ? Why would he give in to that temptation now, when he hasn't before now ? Why can't you recognize that it is you who is the temptation for him, now ?
Buffs, like almost every "statistic" provided on Oprah, that is not a fact, merely somebody's wild guess. But have you noticed, if you guess and say "Gee, I think there's a lot of it " people don't take you seriously, But if you guess just as wildly, but IN NUMBERs, and say ""80%", people tend to take you seriously.
And if she cheated on him, surely it's HIM that has reason to be bothered by her working at the same place, and a very excellen reason for him NOT to want any sort of fling with her.
I think your later message hit the point --- like most people approaching a mariage, you're getting an episode of cold feet. And maybe your memory of your father cheating on your mother, is coming back to mind. Why not se a counsellor and tidy up all this baggage, so you can move on into a happy marriage ? As you both deserve ?


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