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06 Oct 2006

It's all my fault...
I feel so bad, I don't know what to do anymore... My husband and I started dating in high school, got married last year and have been together for 9 years altogether. I know he loves me and I love him, he's an important part of my life/past... the thing is I don't feel the same about him anymore... so many things have happened to us over the years and we have a good relationship but I'm not passionate about him anymore, he doesn't sexually excite me, we constantly fight because of my no care attitude, we've gone to see a councillor, he had a session this morning… he has issue of insecurity which the councillor said comes from childhood experiences and I rebel because I have no freedom (not allowed to go out with friends etc.) The councillor explained that I’m extroverted (need lots of people to stimulate my personality type), he’s introverted (taps into only me to stimulate him) and he gets upset when I enjoy myself around others as he doesn’t need or understand it… Should I just tell him that I want to get divorced so I can have a life, it will hurt him so much… but it’ll kill me to continue like this…
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

One wonders why you married him. If you spent 9 years together, and your feelings for him were waning, that's not exactly a great time for mariage. I don't quite follow --- its good that you should see a counsellor together, but you say "he had a session this morning" -- is he seeing a counsellor alone ? If, as the rest of your message implies, you are seeing the counsellor together, (a) ask HIM the main question you asked me, and (b) don't rush this --- you spent 9 years developing some difficulties it may take more than a couple of sessions to sort them out. You have been with him all these years, and presumably it was satisfactory for some time, or you'd never have stayed together. So why would you assume that you need a divorce to "have a life" ? With the assistance of the counsellor you can both compromise and adapt and find a way of meeting both of your needs.
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