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22 Aug 2007

Just had enough
Any advise will be appreciated, my situation is quite unique. Let me start at the beginning. I have a daugther with a ex girlfriend and the child is 7 yrs old. My wife and I have a son 3 yrs old.
My parents are very attached to my 7yr old daughter (she is almost every weekend with grandparents). They also have a relationship(i'm not sure of the extend of the relation) with my ex girlfiend, which i can say is on good terms, I dont think there is a friendship but the relationship is good because the child is involved and close to the grandparents.
Now I am not close to my parents at all and only see or call them when I need to but I rarely just visit them. When my daughter is with my parents I am not involved in their doing with my ex or my child visiting them.
My parents hardly call or make time to spend with my son which has obviously had a negative impact on the relationship between my wife and my parents. No I have on many occations made it 100% clear to my parents that I do not approve of their actions and that they need to be fare when it comes to the grandchildren which they have ignored many times.
My wife now hates my parents, hates my daughter and is starting to blame me for this whole situation, I am always supporting my wife and trying my best to keep her happy under this circumtances but I seem to be failing. When i spend time with my daughter she will makes comments for days on end about how I am putting my child above her and our son and that I am in cohoots with my parents, which is really frustrating because I am really trying to make the best of a bad situation.
I have tried speaking to different family members to try and help resolve this situation and speak to my parents about backing off and not have so much contact with the ex and my daughter and also start making time for my wife and son but my parents continue to do what they do.
My wife never hated my daughter before this mess but so many things have happened that I really cannot blame her for being cold and hateful BUT I CANNOT TURN MY BACK ON MY DAUGHTER BECAUSE I UNDERSTAND MY WIFES FRUSTRATIONS. I may be the only person that truly understands her pain in this situation but she is now pushing and fighting me, and there is only so much that i can take.
This problem has been taking place for the past 2yrs or so and I think it is really becoming worse and worse.
I have fought with my parents about this and they continue to ignore me, and the ex girlfiend is obvouisly enjoying the situation and uses it to the best of her advantage, before I got married to my wife my parents actually disowned me and sided with my ex girlfriend when I had a problem regarding my daugther and how she was being raised and demands the ex was putting on me.
I can now completly ignore my parents and not speak to them and see my daughter and not even bother to take my son and wife to see them, i dont know will this even solve the problem?
Am I not being 'man' enough in the manner in which i have dealt with this situation? Even though I have approached and attacked the problems when I raised this issue with my parents and family.
How do you tell people to change what they doing because it is busy ruining your marraige?
My mother says she does not have a problem with my wife but my wife fights with her and that why she does not show any interest in her, what does this have to do with her not showing any interest in her grandson? Because my ex girlfiend is all sweet when talking to my mother, is she now the better woman?
I'm just confused as hell and I really need some advise on this, please help.
Answer 267 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sometimes, leaving aside the other specific complications here, grandparents bond with their first grandchild, i a way that others can't somehow compete with. And here is appears that they formed a strong bond with your ex, and saw no reason to change that after you separated ; while, for whatever reasons, your wife doesn't seem to have formed a comfortable relationship with them
Maybe i you took time to repair YOUR relationship with your parents, they'd be more interested in your son, and you'd have more reason to visit them with him, so as to build a relationship there.
anon's comments are wise and helpful
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