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22 May 2004

Keep on getting my self into the same kind of relationship
My boyfriend and I have just broken up, and as a reasses the situation i see it resembling my past two relationships. This most recent "ecounter" was between me and a close friend... I gave hime a lift home, and lets just say one thing led to another. That same night i phoned him as soon as i got home, and we weighed out all the possibilities and decided it best that we remain friends and forget anything happened. Just as i was coming to terms with what had happened exactly, and putting it behind me so that our freindship would not be affected, he contacts me and tells me that he thinks he may have made the wrong descision and asks me out. needless to say, i was ready to slap him. But anyway, after much discussion, and a little physical contact we decice to date. We both agreed that the relationship was giong to require a little more work, since there wasn't that initial "love" sensation or whatever. Over the 6 weeks we were dating, i got closer to him, i put my whole heart into it, to a point where i knew there was no turning back. Occasionally, during these 6 weeks i felt i was doing all the work, but i ignored it, thinking i would just give him time, and he would come round, because of his difficult childhood... Was i ever wrong, i could read the signals and was hoping i was reading them wrong! He lead me on, i would be so happy he smsed me in the evening, or in the morning, or when he made an effort to see me. I always get myself into these relationships, its all about lust, i get emotionally attatched, i bring up the fact that i need a little more emotionally, cause as fun as the other stuff is, i would prefere a quiet dinner, just snuggling watching a movie, have a conversation... and then it all comes out, i think i,ve heard all of them... "its not you, its me", "lets just be friends... i hope this isn't going to affect our frindship" and then the endless Apologising... Please help, I would like someone special in my life, like any person, how do i avoid these (for lack of better words) "play mate" (cause thats what i feel like) relationships?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Foxyangel,
It'll be interesting to see what our other readers will have to comment, especially after their weekend off. Sounds like you are maybe so eager for this special relationship you desire, that, as in this last episode, you rather drag yourself into it, forcing a guy who is NOT special to you, to become more special, and trying to breathe on the tiny sparks to produce the great flames you'd like --- but it's hardly a genuine relationship, wen produced that way. Maybe you need to (a) delivberately allow yourself to have some friends with whom you expect nothing more than friendship, so you have a support system around you, and then (b) maybe wait a bit more patiently for the special person to turn up ? If he's not special to start with, you can't really manufacture specialness and thrust it upon him.
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