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19 Jan 2006

married?
Hello everybody, I was wondering if you could share some advise with me.

I've been with my boyfriend, now fiance for 2 years. We are planning on getting married at the end of this year. The problem is, I'm just not excited about it. I can't even summon up a little bit of excitment. I want to get married and have some babies, but the thought of actually doing it is making me feel trapped and I think I'm going crazy. As I mentioned, we've only been together for 2 years, but we have sex maybe once a month if I'm lucky, and then its boring and leaves me cold. We've spoken about it a hundred times and I tell him I want it more often and he says its up to me to iniate it as he doesn't think about it. I don't mind initiating it sometimes, but it makes me feel really lousy and unattractive and uninteresting to be the one who starts things all of the time. So I've just lost interest in it but I know its a problem because I feel that sex is supposed to be a measure of ones feeling and a special bond in a relationship. He's not willing to go for any councelling because "he's been through all that shit before" in a previous relationship.
So now I'm stuck with this decision, do I actually marry him and face a future of no sex or interest in it or do I find someone who does find me interesting enough?
He's a good man, but I don't know if I can accept his lack of interest. How important is sex in a relationship anyway??

Thank you for taking the time to read my story...
Answer 427 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

it's a rare man who doesn't think about sex and needs reminding. But don't let it make you feel unattractive. JUst because a bling man can't see you, doesn't mean you're ugly. It sounds as though the lack of interest may go well beyond only sex --- and then one would wonder why you might want to marry him at all. If you both feel its reasonable to still be committed to each other, see a relationship counsellor together asap, before committing yourselves to continuing the relationship towards marriage
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