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17 Sep 2011

Married 25 yrs, husband now calls up GF of 30 yrs ago
Hi Doc,

I''ve been married for 25 years. In the past 10 years my husband has had one affair where I caught him out, He had a relationship with a lesbian who he called his soulmate and how much he loved her and then there were on an off flirtations at work, etc.
NOW....approx 3 weeks ago, he looked up a girlfriend on Facebook. He last saw her 30 yrs ago. He got a no for her and called her. Fortunately, she told him off. He did however let her know via somebody that he " loved her a lot but apartheid messed things up for them" . To me, this is totally unacceptable. I am the wife who stood by him thru thick and thin, and believe me, he''s not an easy person to live with. My question: Is it OK for him to call up an old girlfriend and apparently just to ask her how she is, when her nephew already told him she''s ok? I''m pretty sick of all this crap of his. I punched him twice in his face, and very hard, I may add. I phoned the woman today and she was just as shocked that he called her and told him to leave her alone, and IF he wants to talk to her, he should do so in the presence of his wife.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

I think the very concept of "soul-mate" is pathetic and almost universally damaging. However, that is not your question. Nor is it about your husband getting in touch with his inner lesbian. Calling up a friend from long ago, male or female, isn't necessarily a sin nor an offense.
You say he[s not an easy person to live with. If you have been punching him hard in the face, may I suggest you might not be the easiest person to live with, either ?
Surely there is more wrong, but potentially rightable, in this marriage - wouldn't it be a really good idea to see a marriage counsellor, together ?
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