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12 Apr 2004

Married, in love with another woman
I met another married woman whilst married with whome I became good friends. There was nothing sexual between us, but more of an emotional bond that was missing in my married life and with my partner. We developed a friendship unlike any I had had before. There was a "click" between the 2 of us that both of us had been missing. Our relationship developed to a point where I fell in love with her, and vica versa.

At this point I confronted my wife to let her know what happened. Although there was no sexual nature of any kind, this emotional relationship upset my wife greatly, which I understand.

She eventually moved out and we separated for a couple of months. During this time I saw this other person quite a lot and our relationship strengthened. She too had separated for a period. During this time we did not sleep together as it didnt feel right under the circumstances.

The problem during this time was the amount that I missed my kids. My wife and I eventually reconciled and I put a stop to my friendship with this woman.

You have probably heard this all before, but this problem doesnt go away. My wife constantly brings it up although I rarely talk to this other person. The main problem is that I am still in love with her and think about her daily. We spoke recently and her feelings are the same. Our last physical contact was almost 10 months ago.

So what do I do? Stay with my wife, who really is a good person, and my kids, or go down that road of starting a new life and sacrificing the family I have? There are moral and practical issues around this. I love my family but I cant focus on my wife especially with my feelings for this other person. I have tried to forget about her but it doesnt go away, and lately all I want to do is be with her.

What advice can you offer me, and please people, look at this realistically and not emotionally. I too said I would never cheat on my wife and I have, and now have to deal with it.

Thanks
Answer 396 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Emotionally Confused,
As they return from the holiday weekend, we shall see what our other readers think about this situation. Affairs by and with married people always cause unhappiness for those involved ; I have rarely seen any convincing variations to that rule. What saddens me in a story like yours, is that when you early on in this other relationship, identified that there was an emotional quality you didn't find within your mariage, that you didn't embark on marriage counselling, to work hard towards discovering and creating that missing element within your own marriage, rather than pursuing it elsewhere. Your wife is a really good person, and you are sure that you love your kids, and you are surely at least fond of our wife. it isn't too late to use mariage counselling to explore the extent to which the relationship you committed yourself to, can be revived and extended, rather than giving up on it.
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