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03 Sep 2007

me and my gilrfriend: abortion
my g/f is 21 and i am 25 she was on the pill but somehow got pregnant, well i initially wanted her to keep it, i am working and i felt i could help financial wise however she had a different view, she is doing third year, she is the only daughter in her family to go to a university and her mother is earning R 700 a month and she cannot quit to take care of the baby, she felt she let me rephrase we should not keep the baby.

she has this bursary and upon completion she is promised a job and if she blows it she forfeit the bursary. i did not support her suggestion but i umderstood her situation and being a boy friend and possible husband in the future i made a decision against my consious.

everything is done and i think under the circumstances the decision we have made was right under the circumstanced. the thing is i keep thinking about what could have been. like i could have been a father....i do love kids..my girl has been inviting me to her place for the last three days i have made excuses...coz i know she wants to talk about the procedure and everything and i want to forget about it..i am afraid if i went she will see worries in my eyes and that she would doubt my support...i understand her decisioin but i am still concerned.

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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Thank you for raising an important point. Understandably people tend to focus on the mother's reactions to an a bortion, but the father's reactions should not be neglected, and deserve respect, too. It's a pity, too, that adoption isn't considered as an option more often. You should provide her with the support she is expecting, with respect for her feelings, even though you understandably feel uneasy about this --- but gently remind her that she needs also to respect your feelings of concern about the abortion, too.
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