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17 Jun 2004

Missing dad
I am 25 years old. My parents were devorced when I was 5 years old. My sister and I never went for counceling as money was a issue. Growing up, accepting the devorce and issues around it was never a problem. To be honest, I didn't even think about it. We did see our dad an average of once every 2 years. After a visit I was upset for about a week and then got over it.

The problem is, I am struggling with the devorce now. I don't realy understand why it is hitting me so hard no that I am 25. I should be completely healed or at least be able to cope with it by now. I feel like a complete looser with issues. I can't stop thinking about it. I can't realy speak to my mum or sister about it since we never speak about the divorce. It's a off limits subject.

I know what my dad did by never coming to visit nor hardly paid maintenance was unexceptable, but I miss a father so much, I am willing to forgive and forget if he will just keep it touch. THe problem is, that isn't realy bothered and we only speak on birthdays. I am so confused, I don't know what to do. I feel like crying and shouting and I have problems to manage my anger.

Should I just pull myself together or do I have reason to feel the way I do.

Please help

R
Answer 349 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

R, I wonder if there's any reason why a divorce so long ago, has begun worrying you now ? Why are you feeling especially lonely, and in need of fathering, at this stage in your life ? I'm not in anyway challenging what you're feeling right now, but anticipating some of the questions worth exploring within counselling. Why not start counselling now, and work through these issues ?
It's worth clarifying what it is that you're seeking, because it probably isn't this particular Dad, who sounds like he has never managed to be a real father for you ; and maybe your needs can be better met by other people in your life, including yourself. Expecting him to become, now, what he never has ben, is probably not realistic.
Lonestar --- we're really pleased to hear that your Dad's doing OK, and hope this will continue.

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