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31 May 2004

Money vs. love
Doc, or anyone else, I need your help! I know you get lots of questions like these, but I need either reassurance or advice. I am now 22, my bofriend is 26. We met 3 years ago, and have been living together for a year now. Don't get me wrong, and I even feel guilty writing this letter, I really truly love my boyfriend with all my heart and soul and I know he feels the same for me. We both study part-time, working full-time, and our finances are up to shit, for lack of a better expression! I just sometimes get the teeniest feeling that we are forever going to be in this position, when I am used to better. I moved out of my parents home, and I am not spoilt, i just hate having to budget for every little thing and never having money left at the end of the month! Also feel that i am a "convenience" to him, meaning he has found someone to share the bills with.

I know most of the problems in a relationship are of a financial nature, but what can I do to convince my self that money is only money, but love is, supposed to be forever?

I feel stressed and tired and I cannot go on like this anymore. As I have said, I don't support him financially, but his finances are not that good, so I cannot move out as he cannot afford to live on his own.

Am i being paranoid? Anyone in a similar position or advise will be appreciated!
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi Ninnie,
I'm bothered by what lies in your message. It's not that you're supporting him ( and girls or boys, often share living expenses to their mutual benefit, as you do, without being bothered by it.
The fact is that you are not able to support yourself in the style to which you have become accustomed. He's not draining your finances in any way, but you seem to feel that love isn't part of the equation, but that any man in your life, first daddy, and then hubby, MUST be able to provide the bulk of the cash. Isn't that mercenary ?
You say you can;t afford to move out, becaue he can't afford to live on his own --- can you ? Or would you move back to dad and let him cover the expenses ?
Surely as students, traditionally a time of being poor, you will complete your studies and get better paying jobs, and solve your sparate or joint financial problems ? Are you being impatient, and rejecting the honourable role of a poor student, working for a better life, rather than having a better life handed to them on a platter ?
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