Ask an expert

25 Jan 2006

Hi everyone

I came out of a 5 year relationship that was quite abusive (Verbally, emotionally and physically) and I was single for about a year before I started dating again. Now the trouble is that I challenge every guy I meet-I intentionally push them away so that when they leave I can say-you see I was right not to invest too much emotionally coz they were just gonna leave anyway!

I do silly things like come on way too strong to scare them or I be completely indifferent, and I will pick fights or sulk over the stupidest things. No matter what he says or does to try and make up for it they know they will never win and so they leave.

My new boyfriend is amazing-he has stuck with me for nearly 2 months now and he just sits back and waits for me to be 'over my tantrum' and then he will hold me and act as if nothing has happened. I really really like him and things are going really well, but I am trying so hard to push him away and I don't really know why I am doing this!

It doesn't look like he is going anywhere and that scares me enough to just call it off myself-even though I don't want to. Its not that I don;t want the commitment -I do! Its just that my ex was loving and understanding and a perfect gentleman in the beginning as well and then he turned violent. What happens when the honeymoon period is over with my new boyfirend-is he going to turn out to be like my ex? I don;t want to get hurt again.

Answer 402 views

01 Jan 0001

Dare I recommend counselling again ? Its not at all an uncommon response to having been really hurt in a rlationship, to grow pessimistic and expect all other relationships to fail, and then to sabotage them all yourself, because, if they're going to end in failure anyway, well, at least this way it's YOU who decided to bring it to an end. This way, you may avoid the hurt of being treated as your last bf did, but you also avoid all the good chances of happiness with the nice guys you also meet.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
33% - 9363 votes
67% - 19334 votes