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09 Jun 2004

moving on after the affair
My husband had an affair which lasted around eight months. i recently found out and was shocked to say the least. I was hurt and vulnerable and didn't get angry. It's been five days of tears and heart break but i'm suddenly furious. My husband says he wants me and begs me to keep his secret, he can't handle it if people and our children find out and best of all he thinks she's pregnant and expects me to bail him out. He hasn't broke off contact with her and says he needs time to explain to her that he can't be with her so there is no scandal. I can't eat and sleep, and the images of them won't stop invading my mind. I told him to sort his life out before we can speak about ours but i feel as though i'm dying and i can't help but lash out at him. i'm starting to hate him because i can't explain to any body what i'm going through. He told me that she doesn't know that i knowbut i checked his cell and she definately knows What should i do. How can i cope with this torture and who will survive this
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Shaina,
This is surely a confusing and infuriating time for you, and it sounds like your husband is being far too selfish in his desperation to avoid the scandal he deserves and created for himself, and not thinking sufficiently of you. Counsider both becoming involved in marriage counselling, as well as counselling for you yourself to help you cope and work out what's best for you. He has comprehensively betrayed you and your children for an extended period of time, an his need to provide for this illegitimate child will unavoidably affect you and the children. he needs to be wholly frank with you, and work to your benefit, not his own.
Concentrate on looking after your own needs, and those of the children, not his. Nina's idea of a 3-way meeting would be challenging. And revealing.
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