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03 Sep 2007

My ex is getting married
HI CS.... your words of wisdom will once again be appreciated!

My ex husband of a whole 5 months now is engaged to his secretary and they have set a wedding date for February next year. Yeah, I know. Although he denied it at the time, I am pretty much certain he left me for her.

Our 10 year old daughter is very excited, she speaks about the upcoming wedding openly and they are buying a house and quite rightly including her in the wedding plans and house buying.

However, I cannot help having little jealous twinges when she does talk with excitement about it.

Also, my ex insists on bringing his fiance with when he drops my daughter off from weekends with him. I have asked him not to do this as I am not sure how to handle it. He has blatantly disregarded my request and lets her tag along anyway.

Ever since getting engaged by ex's whole attitude towards me changed. We used to get along in a civl manner, but now he can hardly look me in the eye or hold a 5 minute conversation. I have accepted the marriage is over. I have accepted he is moving on (much quicker than me, but doing so nevertheless). He has threatened to sue me for custody of our daughter even though he has no grounds at all.

I am really not sure how to react to all of this. Is it unreasonable of me not to want his fiance anywhere near my home? How do I make sense of his sudden change in attitude towards me? How do I keep those jealous moments at bay when my daughter speaks so openly with excitement of all their plans? And more importantly, how do I accept that there is going to be another woman in my daughter's life in the capacity of step mom?
Answer 361 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Words I can manage. Wisdom, well, I'll try !
its hardly surprising that you have more than mixed feelings about your ex's nuptials, and your daughters delight about it. Remember that this is innocent delight --- she wasn't around at your wedding, so this is a chance to enjoy one while old enough to do so. let her enjoy it.
Its tactless of him, perhaps to bring his fiancee around to your place, but you don't need to be anything but calmly polite to her. And maybe the change in his demeanour shows that he feels a bit guilty about all this. But threatening to sue for custody is nonsense, and you would surely have strong grounds for defeating any such attempt. Some legal advice might not go amiss, though.
I can't say how to respond to your daughter about her excitement about the wedding, as this depends so much on how you explained the divorce to her. But you could find a way that fits with that, to indicate that you find it upsetting, and while you'\re pleased for her that she finds it all so interesting, she should remember that it's not a happy thing for you.
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