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Question
06 Sep 2007
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Need to talk
Hi CS,
Things up and down again. At least before doing anything irresponsible called my doc. We will now be working for 6 weeks intensively on my problems. He said's I am not in touch basically with my feelings, I don't feel, I make jokes to cope and therefore don't feel.
It has been a long time now and I am tired but also scared of what might come out. I do believe I stopped growing emotionally a long time ago, I have been coping this way all my life and have gotten used to the fact that abuse of me is part of my life. Does one ever really get over it? Does one ever really stop, can it be done. I have tried so many times and come right for a short time and then end up going back or worse. I am worried that the next time I slip there won't be any coming back and at this point the very nature of that would mean the loss of my children and then ultimately my life.
Things up and down again. At least before doing anything irresponsible called my doc. We will now be working for 6 weeks intensively on my problems. He said's I am not in touch basically with my feelings, I don't feel, I make jokes to cope and therefore don't feel.
It has been a long time now and I am tired but also scared of what might come out. I do believe I stopped growing emotionally a long time ago, I have been coping this way all my life and have gotten used to the fact that abuse of me is part of my life. Does one ever really get over it? Does one ever really stop, can it be done. I have tried so many times and come right for a short time and then end up going back or worse. I am worried that the next time I slip there won't be any coming back and at this point the very nature of that would mean the loss of my children and then ultimately my life.
CyberShrink
OK, sounds like a good plan, and may your intensive work prove fruitful. You probably don't need to give up your old way of coping withou or before developing a newer and more effective way of coping. You can indeed adjust to not expecting or acepting abuse. Maybe one of the things you can usefully do with your doc, is to examine the periods when things DID improve and go well, so that you can clarify how they improved ; and how they then happened to end up worsening again, so you can avoid those unhelpful patterns
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