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07 Jun 2004

Pain too much
Dear Cybershrink
What the hell do I do? I am in agony. I decided to leave my husband because I had fallen in love with another man. I decided to become single before I was unfaithful. I am so utterly confused now. I consulted a therapist who suggested a trial separation. I wasn't happy in the marriage but he is a decent man, just not right for me. We weren't really compatible on any level : sexually, emotionally, mentally, socially. I was just miserable. Now I have moved in with my mother (poor mom!) and feel as if I am dying. I suppose it is normal to feel so gutted after leaving your husband? How do I cope? And this other man is completely confusing me. He tells me he is interested but hasn't asked me out. He is painfully shy. How do I handle this whole mess? I don't want to kill myself or get disgustingly drunk but it really is hard to cope with. I have got myself into a real mess. Please help. Do I contact the shy guy or will I scare him off. Do I have patience? What a mess. Don't know how to cope.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

It's sad if you only discovered the degree of incompatibility you describe, some time after getting married. Yes, it is very normal to feel bad after breaking up a relationship, especially as he is a decent man, not deserving to be hurt.
See a counsellor, as you sound as if you have many issues you need to explore, understand, and work out. Don't expect this not to be painful, but don't expect the pain to persist unduly. The other guy apparently is shy, and maybe he never bargained on you leaving your husband and facing him with a decision he was perhaps not ready to face, yet.
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