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13 Sep 2006

Relationship problems
I am sure you have heard this before many times, but I need some advice.
I am 22 and I have been in a relationship for 5 ½ years. We were always seen as the perfect couple, and we never had any big fights, and I was happy. Earlier this year we moved in together, first because we wanted to but also because I got a job and it was better to move to be closer to work, close to where he works- so it was convenient. And as usual found it hard to adjust to living together, which is expected. But it seemed like although we were talking about our problems, they always popped up again. So one weekend we went away with friends. And that weekend one of his friends hooked up with some girl, and I got extremely jealous. I had a tiny crush on him but this suddenly became a lot more intense. The next weekend when I saw this guy again I told him that I was jealous over him, and we started flirting that night. We had sms sex a week later, for about 3 days until i phoned him and called it off. I called it off because I wanted it so bad, but knew I could not have it and it felt like my head was about to explode. My boyfriend and I have talked about the possiblity of seeing other people just because we have not really been with others and would like to before we settle down. He feels the same way, although I think that I want to do it for someone specific and he might just feel like he needs space generally. I keep bringing that conversation up as all I can think about is this other guy. I cant help but sms this guy even though he is trying to ignore me for my sake. And I am considering breaking up with my boyfriend to see other people, but honestly I think I just want to see this one guy. But I dont think it is possible for me to take that huge step of breaking up as our relationship offers me stability and comfort.

What advice can you give me?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

See a counsellor asap, as you seem to be getting confused about your aims in life. Its not required to "be with other people" before settling down, and this sort of affair with a mutual friend is the sort of thing that rarely fails to come to grief.
and YES YOU CAN "help but to SMS this guy" --- just stop doing it. And if he is trying to ignore you, hen you are being the aggressor here, and that is foolish. I'll bet if you are foolish enough to break up with your bf to climb into this other guy, before long you'll have had enough of that and be looking round again
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