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20 Jan 2006

Relationship with mother
My relationship with my mother since meeting and marrying my husband has become tense. We are lucky as we have enough financially to enjoy our life and go on holidays etc, also fortunate to have a few good friends who we often see. She acts kind of jealous when I tell her about a holiday that I am going on, arrangements with friends or anything nice that is happening in my life. As a result of this I have stopped telling her a lot of what I do as I don’t want to rub it in. Since I got married she has been like a different person towards me and can really say things that hurt my feelings. The worst thing she said to me recently was that she thought when I was pregnant that I didn’t want the baby. I couldn’t believe what she said and it really hurt so badly that I almost walked out of her house but she said sorry and I did my best to be forgiving although the pain is still there. I think that the way she acts is partly related to the stroke she had but even before it she would hurt my feelings by saying things like I shouldn’t wear a white wedding dress as I had been living with my fiancée before the wedding. What is it that makes mothers say such cruel things? Is it bitterness that they are not young anymore and didn’t have the same oppurtunites in life? I try to see my mother when I can but I find it quite difficult to be in her company(especially if it is just the two of us) as I never know what she is going to say. It’s not as if my mother doesn’t ever go on holiday and she does have some friends who she sees often enough but I still feel the resentment from her when I have something nice about my life to tell her.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hello Joanne,
The stroke sould actually be very relevant. Strokes vary widely in their effects, according to what part or parts of the brain are damaged, but some leave a person with damage to the frontal lobes of the brain, for instance, where our common sense and self-restraint are housed, so they may then say such hasty and unkind things without even recognizing that they could be hurtful. They may lose to a greater or lesser extent the ability to hold back from saying stray thoughts hey have, or to restrain themselves.
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