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29 Sep 2011

relentless character assassination -why?
What do I do about a guy I slept with 16 yrs ago (and chose not to either sleep with again or develop a relationship with despite him pressing me for years after), who now seems to be seeking revenge in mindless character assasination?

Every time I meet a new guy, somehow this guy from 16 yrs ago finds out a way to get to know the new man in my life, and tells him I am the biggest tramp in town. He will tell the guy I am only after money, am a stupid low-life and will never amount to anything. He issues a warning so passionate, everyone who hears it gets alarmed. I don’ t know with what sort of conviction he says it but every guy I am seeing then comes to me very concerned and asks what I have done to have someone talk about me using such vitriol.

I have tried to ignore it –  reacting will only egg him on –  but now that yet another person is backing off I have grown weary of this. Why would a guy do this? Just because I didn’ t sleep with him again? That was in 1996 for goodness sake. To make things even more ridiculous, the guy is now married (to someone who oddly looks so much like me). Just last month, he went up to a guy I had started seeing and told him I am Southern Africa’ s biggest vamp and he shd stay away from me. Rightly, the guy sat me down and asked me why someone would come and tell him that –  esp when I don’ t come across as that way at all. What works against me is that this guy who insists on assasinating my character is a very well-known figure in corporate finance circles, a very big name. Everyone instantly believes a man with such power who lives in a R35m house (he does) must speak the truth –  after all what would he gain from lying? Guys I am seeing always ask me ‘ but what does he have against you?’ . I do have an answer but it would sound ludicrous - ‘ I didn’ t sleep with him again after our 1996 episode’ . What kind of explanation is that? It doesn’ t fit the intensity of his apparent hatred for me.

I don’ t understand what this guy stands to gain from trashing my name and why since 1996, he is determined to stop any guy from liking me or getting close to me. He tracks every guy down, whether or not he knows him. If he does know him, he asks how the s*x was with me. What gets me is that he is still doing this despite now being married. I never see him around and have no desire to contact him –  last time I saw him was at a party five years ago and he tried to force me into one of the bedrooms with him. I have no desire to see or speak to this person. What do I do, just continue to ignore him? Shd I warn every guy I meet that sooner or later some well-dressed multimillionaire will come up and tell him I am a piece of trash - but he shd ignore it? Who issues an advisory like that to every guy she meets?

What I want to do is just get on with my life. Should I put this guy in his place by just excelling in life and continuing to be the good person I am? His 16yr vendetta is wearing me down psychologically. Where does he find the time for this –  and why does he do it at all?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Sounds like stalking, as well as defamation, and possibly other offenses. Consult a good lawyer, and het a court early on to issue a restraining order against him, forbiding him from harrassing you or your friends in any way, or he goes to jail. It hardly matters WHY he does this, he's not allowed to do so and must be stopped officially from doing so. But make sure you gather relavant evidence for use in court. Your lawyer can advise on the best way to do that.


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