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17 Oct 2006

retreat retreat retreat
I almost always back down rather than cause a fight or a scene. Even when I know I am right. I tell myself it doesn't matter but later I find that I am still angry about it. How does one handle other people's aggression in a dignified way?

I realised I never learned how to handle confrontation, my mother always caused scenes and my father just retreated into silence. I have obviously adopted my father's way of 'dealing' with a fight. But this is not working to good anymore and I keep cropping things up and gettting angry and resentfull.

How can I teach myself to handle situations like this??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Isn't the first useful principle, to learn to choose which battles are actually worth fighting at all ? Whether the other guy is right or wrong, some issues are so trivial that it's just not worth one;s time or adrenaline to bother about them, some are of central importance to our lives and to our basic principles. From your description, your parents inadvertently never gave you a chance to learn how to handle conflict or disagreement, as they themselves didn't have this skill. There may be some self-help books around, but the best way to learn these skills would be with a good local CBT counsellor
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