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11 Jan 2006

shameful feelings
My friends have recently aquired a large sum of money from their family and I am finding it difficult to deal with the feelings of jealousy and spite that I am starting to feel towards them.
Being quite comfortable myself and definately not on the bones of my arse so to speak I have always worked hard for everything I got.
They on the other hand seemed to have jumped the race and after being so hard done by for so many years fially have got the break that all of us wish we had. I feel resentful and quite small all of a sudden ( which is most probably how they felt when the tables were turned ) Nevertheless I still cannot help but wish something awful happened to them. Being a recovering drug addict doesn't help matters as my feelings are amplified and sometimes I do not know how to vent them. I thought about sharing these at a meeting but the fact that both of them are part of NA, means that they will find out sooner or later.
Some of the things that have gone through my head are truly shocking and I almost find it hard to believe that they are coming from my head. Anyway, some thoughts would be apprecated
Answer 397 views

01 Jan 0001

Some degree of wistful jealousy may be more normal, but spite is going a bit far, isn't it ? What exactly is it that you resent ? That they have been fortunate ? That you have not ? That they received riches they didn't have to work for, while what you have you worked for ? Sounds like you'd benefit from seeing a personal counsellor for a few sessions to work through these feelings. It's an unfortunate combination, having uncomfortable feelings --- and also feeling bad about having them
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