Ask an expert
Question

15 Sep 2008

struggling with break-up that i ended
I ended my relationship of 9 years with by boyfriend. There were some problems in an otherwise good relationship, but ultimately I felt I had to end it for my long- and short-term happiness. The way it happened was completely not what i wanted - I was in a bad space thinking things were over (before I discussed with him) and saw no way out, i made an error in going onto a dating site looking for sex/friends/companionship. He found my profile on there and it unravelled badly from there. We still have a lot of mutual friends and unintentionally some are more on one side than the other, which is the last thing i wanted for him. He now doesnt trust some of our friends and is refusing to see them. He is so angry about what has happened and the way the breakup was handled by me. I still have such strong feelings for him and i am so upset by how this is happening. I still think that it is the right thing for us to split up (at this time - i do need time out to gather myself though). We have seen each other a few times since the split, socially as well as having discussions about what is happening. I am more upset about the effect all this is having on him than about me not being with him. This guilt is really eating me up inside and i dont know what to do about it.
I have a few questions:
1) any advice on the above?
2) I think that he should go see a therapist, but he needs a specific type of therapy. He needs someone that will give specific feedback and advice rather than just someone to lists (past experience). What type of therapy would this be and where can i find a practitioner?
3) do you think us seeing a therapist together would be beneficial? as well as him going individually.
Answer 328 views
Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

If both of you feel that this relatonship ought to be able to be fulfilling for both of you, but that there are issues currently preventing that, DO see a therapistc / relationship counsellor together. Lists are certainly not needed, and are only used by very trivial counsellors. FAMSA ought to be able to help you find a suitable therapist.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
Results
Yes
32% - 9428 votes
No
68% - 19907 votes
Vote