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21 Apr 2004

Weird ideas about sex.
I find it the most horrific idea that people I know and love actually have sex. I hate weddings or any situation where I think people would have sex. It ruins this 'innocence' I have in my mind about life. I cringe and shudder at the thought. Sometimes it seems so weird that people actually engage in this act - that it's just beyond me. I'm female and in my mid-twenties. Recently my boyfriend started engaging in a sexual relationship with me - and my mind would just be thinking how dumb or how disgusting it is all the time. I can't stop thinking while he touches me, etc. My body responds to some degree - but then I try to make it stop by thinking of something else, etc. I still go through with the whole act and pretend I enjoy it - but I just feel indifferent. Afterwards I feel sick and dirty and disturbed for days. My boyfriend is really loving and gentle - more so than most men I think, but still I feel terrible. I avoid him for days after we got physical. I would get 'backflashes' to things we did - and feel horrible - then eventually just numb and then do it all over again. My parents didn't instill this fear or disgust as they have a loving demonstrative relationship. The thought of sex and people doing it is like a nightmare flash to me. I'm not obsessed with the idea - I forget it exists and then suddenly a smell or a touch or a gesture reminds me of it all over again - even before I met my boyfriend (he's the first person I've been physical with) What's wrong with me??
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Dear Afraid,
It really does sound like you deserve to see a psychologist to work on these admittedly weird ideas about sex, so that you can set yourself free to enjoy a happy sex life. In your sort of idealized "innocent world", it'd be kinda lonely, as there'd be no babies, and indeed, soon, no people at all. And no animals.
I wonder where or how you found this unusual attitude that sex is somehow dirty and shameful, if, as you say, your parents taught you otherwise and had a wholesome and healthy relationship themselves. - Yes, if they really insist, people can make something dirty and/or shameful out of it, but it can be a marvellous part of a loving and committed relationship. Working with a psychologist could help you to understand this reaction far better, and to revise it, to get this important part of life into better perspective, and as something you can enjoy.
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