Ask an expert

21 Apr 2004

Weird ideas about sex.
I find it the most horrific idea that people I know and love actually have sex. I hate weddings or any situation where I think people would have sex. It ruins this 'innocence' I have in my mind about life. I cringe and shudder at the thought. Sometimes it seems so weird that people actually engage in this act - that it's just beyond me. I'm female and in my mid-twenties. Recently my boyfriend started engaging in a sexual relationship with me - and my mind would just be thinking how dumb or how disgusting it is all the time. I can't stop thinking while he touches me, etc. My body responds to some degree - but then I try to make it stop by thinking of something else, etc. I still go through with the whole act and pretend I enjoy it - but I just feel indifferent. Afterwards I feel sick and dirty and disturbed for days. My boyfriend is really loving and gentle - more so than most men I think, but still I feel terrible. I avoid him for days after we got physical. I would get 'backflashes' to things we did - and feel horrible - then eventually just numb and then do it all over again. My parents didn't instill this fear or disgust as they have a loving demonstrative relationship. The thought of sex and people doing it is like a nightmare flash to me. I'm not obsessed with the idea - I forget it exists and then suddenly a smell or a touch or a gesture reminds me of it all over again - even before I met my boyfriend (he's the first person I've been physical with) What's wrong with me??
Answer 317 views

01 Jan 0001

Dear Afraid,
It really does sound like you deserve to see a psychologist to work on these admittedly weird ideas about sex, so that you can set yourself free to enjoy a happy sex life. In your sort of idealized "innocent world", it'd be kinda lonely, as there'd be no babies, and indeed, soon, no people at all. And no animals.
I wonder where or how you found this unusual attitude that sex is somehow dirty and shameful, if, as you say, your parents taught you otherwise and had a wholesome and healthy relationship themselves. - Yes, if they really insist, people can make something dirty and/or shameful out of it, but it can be a marvellous part of a loving and committed relationship. Working with a psychologist could help you to understand this reaction far better, and to revise it, to get this important part of life into better perspective, and as something you can enjoy.
The information provided does not constitute a diagnosis of your condition. You should consult a medical practitioner or other appropriate health care professional for a physical examination, diagnosis and formal advice. Health24 and the expert accept no responsibility or liability for any damage or personal harm you may suffer resulting from making use of this content.
Voting Booth
Have you entered our Health of the Nation survey?
Please select an option Oops! Something went wrong, please try again later.
32% - 9467 votes
68% - 20230 votes