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11 Jun 2004

What Now?
I met a guy about 8 months ago.We have become very close friends.He had a hard childhood life and was also molested by his father some years ago and his mother killed herself also some years back.He has a girlfriend at the moment and they have been going out for the last 4 years.I am gay and I have true feelings for him.I have told him how I feel about him and he said that he loves me only as a friend.In the recent months I have noticed that most of the time he does not want his girfriend to touch him and he never kisses her.When we go out we have a great time together and we do sometimes touch each other in a playfull way,but nothing major yet.We also sing together and I have noticed that when he sings,he looks straight into my eyes and never look away.He has told me before that he sings some songs for me.He never talks about his problems and his childhood life to his girlfriend,but chose me to talk to because I have always been there for him.We are getting closer and closer by the day and now he has asked me to move in with him and his girlfriend.Sometimes the 3 of us share one bed.I have a feeling that he has feelings for me too and that he wants me by his side most of the time.He phones me at work at least twice a day to find out how I am doing.He has also told his girlfriend that he is never going to get married or have children.What must I do,because I feel frustrated and my head is spinning.Does he have feelings for me,Does he want to be friends only,Is he playing me up or does he have planns for us which he does not want to reveal now.He always hugs me when we say goodbuy to each other.I really love him from the bottom of my heart and sometimes when the 3 of us go out,he feels that he has to give her some attention and this is making me crazy and jealous.He has also told me that he was in love with a man before,but chose to be with the opposite sex.Him and his girlfriend don't have any sexual relationship that I know of.I feel that I must go on with my life,but I am not sure because if he does have feelings for me I don't want to loose him.When we had a fight before he cried and told me that he needs me in his life!PLEASE HELP and give me an answer what I must do or think.
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hendrik,
It certainly sounds as if he has some feelings for you, but what those feelings are, and what they mean, is far less than clear. He's yopun and sounds confused. He wants a friend, probably needs a good friend, and appreciates that. Whether he wants anything more than that is not clear. Obvously it seems to be something you'd want ; but you could spoil the relationship, and lose him ( and you ) a valuable friendship, if you try to turn this into a sexual relationship unless this is definitely what he wants, and he declares that unambiguously to you.
Not only may he have plans or ideas he hasn't revealed --- it's likely that these are not even clear to him, either.
Nobody can tell you what you must do or think. If you want to find out more about your relationship with this guy, as it changes and developes, you'll have to ask him.
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