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24 May 2004

What the hell is his problem?
I met this guy and he istotally amazing. We have so much in common. We get on well and we have this incredible spark between us, well so I thought.
He tells everyone that I am his girlfriend and he calls me :my love, darling, babes, etc".. He writes me poems and tells me evryday that he dreams of me at night and he likes me so much and we r perfect for each other. He invites me to spend the weekend by him. And during the weeknd he asked me if I reckon that we r an item. So all the signs that he is giving me I said yes. I asked him the same and he could not anser me. He said that he had issues from another relationship and he had to sort it out before he could commit to me and get into a relationship. Needless to say, I felt like a total idiot because he gives me these really strong signs that we r a couple but then contradicts himself. I feel hurt cause he still has feelings for his ex. I did not ask him what baggage he has but he said that he will sort it out because he finds it worth it to be with me. I just can't understand what it is that is holding him back. Surely if you break up with someone then you have alredy gotten rid of them and the baggage. And when you meet someone new, you are in a fresh and new situation. He went away a few weekends ago and never phoned me. When I am with him on weekends, then he hids his phone away and won't take it anywhere with him. I like him alot and I am trying to avoid him because I do not want to be hurt. He gives me the impression that we r a couple but then says that we r not. What should I do?
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Expert
CyberShrink
cybershrink

01 Jan 0001

Hi conf,
I'm nor sure whether strictly speaking he contradicted himself, so much as gave mixed signals, and seemed to be seeking from you a level of committment he wasn't yet prepared to manage himself.
It's certainly not true, though, that when people break up neither of them are left with emotional baggage that still needs sorting out and unpacking --- it's almost always the case that there's lots of unpacking left to do.
And you're never fully in a fresh and new relationship just because it's with somebody new --- there are always the ghosts of past relatomships there to haunt us.
it sounds like you are NOT a couple yet, and might never be, and that he may have a long way to go in finishing his previous relationship, and isn;t being frank with you.
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